Men and Mental Fitness: How to Spot When a Man You Know Is Struggling and How to Help
Mental fitness plays a vital role in overall wellbeing, yet it is often overlooked; especially among men. Many men grow up learning to be tough, self-reliant, and emotionally reserved. While resilience can be a strength, these same expectations can make it difficult for men to reach out when they are struggling. The result is that many suffer in silence, masking emotional pain with work, humour, or withdrawal. Understanding how to recognise when a man might be struggling with his mental health, and knowing how to approach him with care, can make a life-changing difference.
Why Men Often Struggle in Silence
There are deep cultural and social reasons behind why men sometimes find it hard to talk about emotions. From a young age, many boys are told not to cry, to “man up,” or to deal with problems alone. These messages can lead men to believe that expressing vulnerability is a sign of weakness. Over time, this can create emotional barriers that make it hard to ask for help, even from close friends or family.
The truth is that mental health challenges have nothing to do with strength or weakness. They are a normal part of being human. Everyone experiences stress, sadness, and anxiety at different points in life. However, when these emotions go unspoken and unsupported, they can lead to depression, burnout, or harmful coping habits.
Recognising that mental fitness is as important as physical health is the first step toward change; for both men themselves and those who care about them.
7 Signs a Man Might Be Struggling
Men often hide their emotions, but their behavior can reveal underlying struggles. Look out for these subtle signs:
Withdrawal or Isolation: He pulls away from social activities, cancels plans, and prefers solitude. This could be a coping mechanism or a cry for help.
Irritability or Anger: Frustration and short tempers might mask deeper emotional pain. Some men find it easier to express anger than vulnerability.
Loss of Motivation or Enjoyment: When hobbies, sports, or work no longer bring joy, it may indicate low mood or burnout. Enthusiasm fades, and tasks feel like a burden.
Physical Symptoms: Mental distress can manifest physically. Watch for changes in sleep, appetite, fatigue, or frequent headaches – these can be signs of stress or emotional strain.
Risky Behaviors or Substance Use: Some men turn to drinking, gambling, or other habits to escape uncomfortable feelings. These coping mechanisms can worsen mental health over time.
Self-Criticism or Hopelessness: Comments like “I can’t do anything right” or “It doesn’t matter anymore” can indicate declining self-esteem or hopelessness.
Overworking or Perfectionism: Constant busyness can be a way to avoid dealing with emotional discomfort. It may look productive, but it often hides inner pressure or anxiety.
Noticing these signs is not about diagnosing; it's about being aware of changes and being open to checking in.
How to Approach the Conversation
Many people worry about saying the wrong thing when it comes to mental health, especially with men who may not easily open up. However, showing genuine concern and listening with empathy is far more important than having perfect words.
Choose a safe moment
Find a quiet, private setting without distractions. Casual settings, such as during a drive or while doing an activity together, can make it easier for a man to talk.
Start gently
Instead of confronting, make an observation. For example, say, “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed a bit different lately; how are things going?” This feels less intrusive and opens space for honesty.
Listen without judgement
If he shares, resist the urge to immediately fix the problem. Let him speak and show you are listening. Phrases like “That sounds really tough” or “I appreciate you sharing that” validate his feelings.
Avoid minimising
Comments such as “You’ll be fine” or “Other people have it worse” can shut down the conversation. Instead, acknowledge what he’s feeling, even if you don’t fully understand it.
Encourage small steps toward help
If he seems open, suggest small next steps; talking to a GP, seeing a counsellor, or using an employee assistance program at work. Offer to help make the appointment or go with him if appropriate.
Keep checking in
If he doesn’t open up right away, that’s okay. Continue to show care through small gestures, messages, or shared activities. Consistency builds trust, and over time, he may feel safer to talk.
Supporting Mental Fitness
Encouraging good mental fitness is about more than responding to crisis; it’s about helping men build habits that support resilience and wellbeing every day.
Promote balance
Remind the men in your life that rest, leisure, and connection are not signs of laziness. They are necessary parts of a healthy, sustainable lifestyle.
Model openness
Talking about your own stress or challenges can normalise conversations about mental health. It shows that everyone struggles sometimes, and that seeking support is okay.
Encourage physical activity
Exercise has proven benefits for mental health. Suggest joining a sports team, going for regular walks, or setting shared fitness goals. Movement helps reduce stress and boost mood.
Support meaningful connections
Friendship and belonging protect against loneliness and depression. Encourage regular social contact, whether through mates, family, or community groups.
Highlight professional help
Men are often more likely to seek help if they know what options are available. Share information about GPs, psychologists, or helplines like Lifeline and Beyond Blue. Emphasise that professional support is a sign of strength, not failure.
When to Encourage Urgent Support
If a man expresses hopelessness, talks about feeling like a burden, or hints that life no longer feels worth living, take it seriously. These are signs that he may need professional help and should not be left to cope alone. Encourage him to reach out to a trusted mental health professional such as a psychologist, counsellor, or GP who can provide immediate guidance and support.
It’s important to stay calm, show care, and reassure him that seeking help is a strong and positive step. Offer to assist in booking an appointment or accompany him if he feels unsure. Let him know that professional support is available and that recovery is possible with the right help and understanding.