Men Feel Too: Rethinking Emotional Expression and Mental Health

From a young age, boys hear “toughen up” like it’s a badge of honour. But what if strength includes softness? Men’s mental health matters, and feeling deeply isn't a weakness. It’s human. It’s time we rethink what being a man means.

“You go to your doom because you think you have to; because you think you’re alone. But you’re not.”

— James Baldwin

Why It’s Time to Talk About Men’s Mental Health

The Numbers We Can’t Ignore

One in eight men will experience depression at some point in their lives. Suicide is still one of the leading causes of death for men in Australia. Behind these numbers are real people — fathers, brothers, sons — often struggling in silence.

Conditioned to Cope Alone

Many men have grown up being told to push through, not to cry, to "man up." Over time, this creates a wall between them and what they’re feeling. It becomes harder to name emotions, let alone express them.

Starting with Awareness

Healing doesn’t begin with having all the answers. It begins with noticing. With admitting that something feels off. With understanding that emotional pain is not weakness. It’s a signal, and you’re allowed to respond to it with care, not shame.

What We Get Wrong About Men and Emotions

Men are less emotional by nature

This idea still floats around, but it isn’t backed by science. Men and women feel emotions with equal depth. What’s different is how they’re taught to express them. From a young age, boys are often praised for being stoic and penalised for showing softness. Over time, many learn to suppress rather than express.

Vulnerability makes you weak

The truth is, opening up takes strength. It’s not easy to be honest about pain or fear, especially when you’ve been told it makes you less of a man. But vulnerability is where connection starts. Public figures like Hugh Jackman and Sam Webb have shown that speaking about mental health isn’t weakness — it’s leadership.

Anger is the only acceptable emotion

When sadness or fear isn’t safe to express, anger often shows up in their place. It’s louder and feels more acceptable. But it pushes people away and leaves the real emotion unseen. A limited emotional vocabulary makes it harder to connect with others and even harder to care for yourself.

What Bottled-Up Emotions Do to the Mind and Body

Stress That Doesn’t Go Away

When emotions are pushed down again and again, they don’t disappear. They settle in the body and build slowly. This kind of background stress can leave you feeling wired or worn out, often both at once. Over time, it chips away at your ability to stay grounded.

How the Body Responds

Unprocessed emotions often show up physically. You might notice:

  • Constant headaches or tightness in the jaw

  • Trouble sleeping or waking up already exhausted

  • A heavy, dragging kind of fatigue

  • Digestive issues or appetite swings

  • Muscle tension you can’t stretch away

These symptoms aren’t random. They’re signals from the body asking for care.

Mental and Emotional Effects

Bottling things up often leads to:

  • Ongoing anxiety that feels hard to name

  • Flatness or numbness that doesn’t lift

  • Feeling disconnected or lonely, even with others

  • Reacting in ways that don’t make sense to you

You Don’t Have to Be in Crisis

Support isn’t just for emergencies. If something feels off, that’s enough. You’re allowed to ask for help before things fall apart. That first step matters, and you’re not alone in it. You don’t need a perfect reason or a clear explanation. Feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or simply not yourself is reason enough to reach out.

When Should You Seek Help?

Strength Looks Like Reaching Out

Asking for help isn’t failure. It’s one of the strongest things you can do. You don’t need to wait until everything falls apart. In fact, reaching out early often makes healing more gentle and sustainable. Strength is in noticing — and in responding with care.

Signs to Pay Attention To

Some signs are easy to miss at first:

  • Trouble sleeping or constant tiredness

  • Feeling irritable more than usual

  • Numbness or emotional flatness

  • Pulling away from people you care about

  • Feeling stuck, hopeless, or unlike yourself

These are not signs of weakness. They’re signals from within. If something doesn’t feel quite right, that’s reason enough.

Support That Meets You Where You Are

At Modern Minds, you don’t need a diagnosis to start. You don’t need to explain everything perfectly. You just need curiosity. A sense that something inside you wants to shift. Whether it’s your first time speaking to someone or you’re coming back to therapy, you’ll be met with care, not judgment.

Healing Is Not Linear. It’s Human

Emotional growth takes time. It’s not about fixing yourself. It’s about learning to meet yourself with honesty and care. Here are four gentle reminders if you’re in the middle of it:

Progress doesn’t always look like progress

Some days you’ll feel lighter. Others, not so much. That doesn’t mean you’re going backwards. Growth is often quiet, showing up in how you pause, reflect, or try again.

Unlearning the armour takes time

Many of us carry emotional armour we put on to cope. Letting it go can feel strange or even scary. But it creates space for softness, connection, and relief.

Discomfort is part of healing

Feeling overwhelmed, tired, or stuck isn’t failure. It’s part of the process. Progress and discomfort often exist side by side.

You’re allowed to go slow

You don’t need to rush through your feelings. There’s no deadline. Listening to yourself is part of the work.

It’s Okay to Need Support

You weren’t meant to do this alone. If something in this resonates, it’s okay to reach out. Support is here when you’re ready.

Kobie Allison