Gaslighting Everywhere: Power, Control, and Subtle Signs to Watch For in Life
Gaslighting is often thought of as something that happens only in romantic relationships, but in reality, it can appear in almost any setting. At its core, gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation designed to make a person question their perception of reality. Because it thrives wherever there is an imbalance of power, it can show up in workplaces, friendships, families, and even broader social environments. Understanding where gaslighting can occur and recognising the subtle signs is the first step toward protecting yourself and others from its harmful effects.
Gaslighting in Different Situations
Gaslighting is about control. It usually involves one person trying to maintain dominance by denying, twisting, or undermining another person’s experiences. While the tactics may be similar, the way gaslighting presents itself can vary depending on the situation.
In the workplace
Gaslighting at work often comes from those in positions of authority, but it can also occur between colleagues. A manager might downplay your contributions, take credit for your work, or deny making promises they clearly did. Colleagues might spread misinformation, exclude you from important discussions, or claim you misremember conversations. Over time, this creates a culture where you begin to question your own performance and reliability.
In personal relationships
In romantic partnerships, gaslighting is often used to control the other person emotionally. A partner may dismiss your concerns, accuse you of being too sensitive, or deny hurtful behaviours altogether. They might tell you that others agree with them and not you, isolating you further. The goal is usually to maintain power in the relationship by making you feel uncertain and dependent.
In friendships
Gaslighting between friends can be surprisingly damaging because friendships are built on trust and support. A friend might insist you misunderstood them when they made a hurtful remark, or they could exclude you and then claim you are imagining the slight. Over time, these actions may leave you feeling that your emotions or needs do not matter, eroding the trust that should exist in a friendship.
In families
Family gaslighting can be particularly complex because it often starts early and becomes ingrained in dynamics. Parents may deny or rewrite events from childhood, insist that you “never remember correctly,” or belittle your feelings. Siblings might claim you exaggerate conflicts or accuse you of being dramatic. In multigenerational households, older family members may use gaslighting to maintain authority and silence challenges.
How It Can Show Up Anywhere Power Dynamics Exist
Gaslighting thrives in environments where power is uneven. When one person or group has authority, influence, or control over another, the conditions are ripe for gaslighting to occur. This is why it can appear not only in personal lives but also in institutions, media, and politics.
At work, the imbalance may come from the employer-employee relationship. In families, it may stem from parental authority. In friendships, it can arise if one person is more dominant or socially influential. Even in broader contexts, such as politics, public figures can manipulate narratives, deny facts, or undermine collective memory to maintain control.
Because power is present in so many areas of life, it is important to recognise that gaslighting is not limited to one type of relationship. Wherever there is potential for one party to override the reality of another, gaslighting can appear.
Signs to Look Out For in Different Situations
Gaslighting is not always obvious. Often, it begins subtly and becomes stronger over time. Here are some signs to watch for in various settings:
In the workplace
Your achievements are consistently downplayed or credited to others.
You are excluded from important decisions or later told, “We discussed this already,” when you were never included.
A supervisor denies giving instructions that they clearly gave.
You are labelled as “difficult” or “overly emotional” when you raise valid concerns.
In personal relationships
Your partner frequently dismisses your feelings as overreactions.
They deny things they said or did, even when you remember them clearly.
They insist that “everyone agrees with them” to make you doubt your perspective.
They make you feel that you must constantly apologise or defend yourself.
In friendships
A friend makes hurtful comments, then insists they were “just joking.”
They deny excluding you or insist you are imagining tension.
They use information you shared in confidence against you and then claim you misunderstood.
They pressure you into situations and later deny that you objected.
In families
Family members rewrite shared memories, claiming events did not happen or happened differently.
Your feelings are dismissed with statements like “Stop being so dramatic” or “You always exaggerate.”
You are blamed for conflicts, even when you were not at fault.
Relatives insist that you owe them loyalty while ignoring your own perspective.
Protecting Yourself from Gaslighting
Recognising the signs of gaslighting is an important first step, but protecting yourself requires action. Here are some strategies to consider:
Trust your instincts: If something feels wrong, trust that feeling. Gaslighting works by eroding self-trust, so reclaiming that inner voice is vital.
Keep a record: Document conversations, emails, or events. Having a record helps counter attempts to rewrite or deny what happened.
Seek outside perspective: Talk to trusted friends, mentors, or professionals. Sharing your experiences helps you see patterns more clearly.
Set boundaries: Decide what behaviours you will and will not accept. This may involve limiting interactions or, in some cases, removing yourself from harmful environments.
Prioritise your wellbeing: Self-care is not indulgence; it is protection. Rest, hobbies, exercise, and time with supportive people help rebuild resilience.
Consider professional support: Therapists can provide tools to rebuild confidence, challenge distorted beliefs, and recover from long-term gaslighting.
Final Thoughts
Gaslighting is not confined to one type of relationship or situation. It can occur at work, in friendships, within families, or in intimate partnerships—anywhere there is a power imbalance. Because it often starts subtly, recognising the signs is key to stopping its damaging effects before they become entrenched.
By paying attention to the subtle ways gaslighting can appear and trusting your own experiences, you can take steps to protect yourself. Remember that your perspective, emotions, and memories are valid. No one has the right to deny your reality in order to maintain control. Reclaiming trust in yourself is the strongest defence against gaslighting in all areas of life.