The Emotional Toll of Gaslighting: What It Feels Like and How to Cope
Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation that can leave lasting scars. While the tactics themselves, denial, deflection and blame-shifting are often subtle, the emotional toll they take on a person can be deeply distressing and disorienting. Gaslighting isn’t just about confusion; it can impact self-esteem, emotional regulation, relationships, and even physical health. This article explores what gaslighting can feel like, the long-term effects it may have, and practical steps individuals can take to begin healing and regaining control.
The Emotional Toll of Gaslighting
Gaslighting slowly unravels a person’s sense of reality. Over time, individuals begin to question their own perceptions, emotions, and memories. This isn’t just frustrating—it’s exhausting and emotionally painful. People often describe the experience as walking through a mental fog, where nothing feels certain anymore. The manipulator may deny events, twist facts, or make the person feel like they’re too sensitive or imagining things.
Emotionally, gaslighting undermines confidence. The person being manipulated might start apologising constantly, second-guessing themselves, or withdrawing from others out of fear of embarrassment or further confusion. This can lead to a deep and persistent sense of self-doubt, which drains motivation and joy from everyday life.
What It Can Feel Like – Emotional and Physical Effects
Gaslighting doesn’t just affect how someone thinks—it affects how they feel in their mind and body. The stress and self-doubt it creates can cause a wide range of emotional and physical symptoms.
Emotional effects:
Chronic confusion – Individuals may feel unsure of what’s real and what’s not, even in simple situations.
Low self-esteem – Persistent invalidation chips away at confidence and self-worth.
Guilt and shame – Victims often blame themselves for what’s happening, believing they are the problem.
Anxiety and panic – Feeling like one is constantly “walking on eggshells” can lead to chronic anxiety or panic attacks.
Depression – A sense of helplessness and hopelessness can develop, especially when the person feels trapped or disbelieved.
Emotional numbness – In response to ongoing emotional stress, some individuals disconnect from their feelings altogether.
Physical effects:
Sleep disturbances – Worry, confusion, or fear can make restful sleep difficult.
Fatigue – Constant emotional tension is draining, leading to physical exhaustion.
Digestive issues – Stress-related changes in appetite or stomach discomfort are common.
Muscle tension or headaches – The body carries emotional stress, especially when it remains unresolved.
Immune suppression – Prolonged emotional strain can impact the immune system, making the body more vulnerable to illness.
These symptoms are not imagined—they are real and valid responses to persistent emotional manipulation. The body responds to emotional trauma just as it does to physical danger: by activating stress systems that, over time, wear down both mental and physical health.
Long-Term Impact: How Gaslighting May Affect You Over Time
If gaslighting continues over a long period, it can have serious and lasting effects on an individual’s emotional wellbeing and ability to function.
Loss of identity
People may lose touch with who they are, what they like, or what they believe. When someone’s reality is constantly questioned, they may suppress their own thoughts and emotions just to avoid conflict or further confusion.
Difficulty trusting others
Survivors of gaslighting may become extremely cautious or sceptical in relationships. After being manipulated, they might fear being hurt or doubted again, even by kind and trustworthy people.
Relationship challenges
Gaslighting can lead to emotional withdrawal or fear of intimacy. Survivors may feel unworthy of love or support, which affects their ability to form or maintain close relationships.
Career or academic setbacks
When confidence is diminished, people may avoid applying for jobs, pursuing promotions, or speaking up at work. They may feel incapable of success or too anxious to take risks.
Trauma responses
Some individuals develop trauma-related symptoms such as flashbacks, emotional numbness, or hypervigilance. In some cases, long-term gaslighting contributes to conditions like complex PTSD.
Understanding these effects is not meant to cause fear—but rather to validate the experience and highlight the importance of recognising and addressing gaslighting early.
How to Manage and What to Do If You Are Experiencing This
If you suspect that you’re being gaslit, know that you are not alone—and there are steps you can take to regain clarity and protect your wellbeing.
Trust your inner voice
Start by honouring your instincts. If something feels off, confusing, or consistently invalidating, it likely is. You don’t need “proof” to trust your emotional responses.
Document your experiences
Keeping a journal or log of conversations, events, or behaviours can help anchor your sense of reality. It’s also helpful if you ever need to explain your experience to a support person or professional.
Talk to someone you trust
Sharing your experiences with a friend, family member, or mental health professional can offer validation and clarity. Outside perspectives help break the isolation that gaslighting creates.
Set boundaries
Once you recognise gaslighting, begin setting boundaries with the person involved. This could mean ending conversations when they become manipulative, limiting contact, or making plans to exit the relationship entirely.
Seek professional support
Therapists can help unpack the psychological damage of gaslighting and support your healing. Cognitive-behavioural approaches can be especially helpful in rebuilding self-esteem and challenging distorted beliefs about yourself.
Rebuild self-worth
Focus on reconnecting with your values, strengths, and preferences. Do things that affirm your identity—whether it’s engaging in hobbies, setting goals, or practising self-compassion. Over time, this helps restore the confidence that gaslighting may have eroded.
Create a safety plan
If the situation involves emotional or physical danger, it may be necessary to create a plan for leaving safely. Reach out to domestic violence services or community organisations for guidance and support tailored to your needs.
Final Thoughts
Gaslighting can feel like a slow erosion of the self, leaving individuals uncertain, anxious, and emotionally drained. Its toll is not just psychological, it can affect every part of a person’s life, from relationships to physical health to the ability to trust one’s own mind. But no matter how long it’s been happening, recovery is possible.
If you or someone you know is experiencing the emotional effects of gaslighting, know that support is available. With time, care, and the right tools, it is absolutely possible to break free from gaslighting and move toward a life rooted in self-trust, emotional safety, and genuine connection.