Gaslighting Explained: How It Works, Common Phrases, and the Harm It Causes
Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation that can gradually erode someone’s confidence in their own perception, memory or sense of reality. It is often subtle and insidious, making it difficult to notice at first. In this article, we explore what gaslighting is, how it works, the common phrases or tactics manipulators use, and the deep impact it can have on a person experiencing it.
Gaslighting — Explanation
At its core, gaslighting is a psychological tactic used by someone (the manipulator) to gain and maintain control over another person by making them doubt themselves. Rather than overt aggression, gaslighting often operates through denial, contradiction, minimisation, and shifting blame. Over time, the target begins to lose trust in their own thoughts, feelings, and memories.
The process of gaslighting usually unfolds slowly. In the beginning, it might look like genuine disagreement or miscommunication. But as the manipulator persists, the target is led to question their own perceptions. The manipulator often has the advantage of being very familiar with the target’s personality, vulnerabilities, and emotional triggers, allowing them to chip away at the person’s self‑confidence without overt confrontation.
How It Works
Gaslighting can occur in many contexts: intimate relationships, family dynamics, friendships, workplaces, or in broader systems such as institutions or media. The power imbalance is crucial — the gaslighter seeks to control or dominate by undermining the other person’s mental footing.
Here’s a simplified flow of how it often works:
1. Denial — The manipulator denies something happened, even if there is evidence.
2. Distortion — They twist facts or offer alternative versions of events.
3. Minimisation — They dismiss or belittle the target’s emotional responses.
4. Projection or blame-shifting — They shift responsibility onto the target.
5. Isolation — They subtly or actively distance the person from trusted supports or feedback.
6. Repetition and escalation — Over time, the manipulator escalates the behaviour to increase confusion and dependence.
Because gaslighting is gradual and cumulative, by the time a person realises what is happening, their self‑trust may already be deeply undermined.
Common Phrases or Tactics Used by Manipulators
Manipulators use a variety of phrases and tactics in gaslighting. Below are some of the most common ones — recognising them is a major step towards reclaiming clarity and empowerment.
1. “You’re overreacting.” / “You’re too sensitive.”
This suggests the person’s emotional response is invalid or exaggerated, rather than legitimate.
2. “That never happened.” / “You’re imagining things.”
Here, the manipulator flatly denies events or memories, casting doubt on the person’s recollection or perception.
3. “You’re remembering it wrong.” / “You have a bad memory.”
This undermines the individual’s memory and confidence in their own mind.
4. “I was only joking.” / “Can’t you take a joke?”
They reframe hurtful statements as humour, making the target second‑guess whether their feelings are reasonable.
5. “Why do you always twist my words?” / “You make me out to be the bad guy.”
They shift blame or responsibility onto the target, diverting attention from their own behaviour.
6. “People agree with me, not with you.” / “Everybody thinks you’re odd.”
This is an attempt to isolate the person, inducing self‑doubt and social disconnection.
7. Silent treatment or withdrawal.
Rather than engaging, they stonewall communication and make the target feel invisible or destabilised.
8. Frequent contradictions.
They may later deny what they said earlier or change versions of events to keep the person off balance.
9. Feigning concern or love.
A manipulator might intermittently offer affection or apologies to confuse the target — a kind of “reward” to maintain control.
10. Lying about others’ statements.
They say that friends or family members said negative things (that they did not), or present false reports to undermine the target’s confidence in their relationships.
These tactics are not always blatant; sometimes they are woven into conversations so subtly that the person being gaslit may gradually internalise the doubt and never realise the manipulation is happening.
How It Can Impact the Person Experiencing It
The emotional and psychological consequences of gaslighting can be profound, long-lasting, and insidious. Below are some of the major effects a person might experience.
Self‑doubt and confusion
One of the earliest effects is that people begin doubting their memory, perception or judgement. “Did that really happen?” or “Am I imagining this?” becomes a recurring question. Over time, decision making becomes difficult.
Anxiety and hypervigilance
Living under constant uncertainty can lead to chronic anxiety. The person may become hypervigilant, always checking their own mental responses or anticipating criticism, which is mentally exhausting.
Low self-esteem and self‑worth
Because the manipulator continuously undermines the person, the target’s self‑esteem may steadily erode. They may feel they are “nothing without” the other person’s validation or permission.
Emotional isolation
Gaslighters might isolate their targets from friends, support networks or reality checks. The target may feel alone, trapped, or unsure whom to trust.
Depression and helplessness
Eventually, many people feel deeply discouraged, emotionally numb, or depressed. A sense of helplessness can settle in when they feel no one believes them or that they lack any control.
Physical health consequences
The mental stress can lead to physical symptoms: insomnia, headaches, digestive issues, fatigue or weakened immune system. The body carries the weight of the prolonged emotional strain.
Loss of trust in relationships
After prolonged gaslighting, the person may struggle to trust others or form new connections. They may expect betrayal or manipulation even where none exists.
Trauma responses and PTSD-like symptoms
Some people experience trauma-related responses: hyperarousal, flashbacks, emotional numbing. If gaslighting is ongoing and intertwined with other abuse, it may qualify as part of a traumatic experience.
Difficulty leaving the situation
Because of internalised doubt and reliance on the manipulator’s reality, an individual may find it hard to leave or resist the relationship. They may constantly hope the manipulator will change, or fear the consequences of confronting them.
Recognising these impacts is vital. Understanding that the confusion, self‑doubt and emotional exhaustion are not your fault is a critical first step toward healing and reclaiming agency.
Concluding Thoughts
Gaslighting is not a fringe phenomenon — it is a manipulative tactic that can quietly infiltrate relationships, family dynamics, workplaces or even public discourse. The harm it causes is not just emotional or relational, but it can deeply affect a person’s confidence, mental and physical health, and ability to trust themselves or others again. Recognising gaslighting is the first step in breaking free from its grip.
If someone suspects they are being gaslit, seeking support is important — from trusted friends, mental health professionals or support groups. Over time, rebuilding self‑trust, clarifying boundaries, and reconnecting with supports can help restore autonomy and psychological well‑being.